Rejected at Heaven, chased out of Hell, I have returned.

######

There was no tunnel of light, no voice beckoning to
get into a light, nothing. Just darkness, that was suddenly
replaced by clear blue sky, light grey, strangely fluffy
looking ground, and a seemingly endless fence.
In it was a gate, big and mighty, the finest piece of
smithery one could imagine, strengthened with richly decorated plates
of the most valuable metals, and decorated with gemstones.
In front of it stood a large group of old men, clad in some
robes that reminded more of overly large towels than
anything else.
With nothing else to do, I walk towards them. As soon as
they seem me, they face me, frowning towards, clearly unhappy
about my arrival.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" shouted one of them, an old geezer whose
beard went down to his not too small paunch.

I look at him with a raised eyebrow. "And you are?"

"St. Peter, guardian of Heaven's gate, bearer of the duty to
let those whom deserve into paradise, and to keep others,
like you, out."

"That's Heaven's gate?" I ask calmly.

"Sure, how can you not know that?" answered another one of
the old men.

"I wasn't here before." I answer slightly annoyed. Then I look
at the bald fatty that spoke first. "And you are the bouncer
here?"

St. Peter sputtered, seemingly more then lightly put out by
the disrespect I show towards him.

"I am the holy guardian of the key, and you will not pass."
he sputtered in righteous indignation and fury.

"Why not?"

"Do you really that we want someone like you, a pervert, a
seducer, an unclean wannabe incubus into heaven?" spoke
another old man, who wore a coat that was ripped into two
pieces over his towel. "We know very well what would happen
if you would get access. Corrupting the pure Angels, flirting
with the goddesses, tempting the Valkyries into the sins of
flesh."

"We will keep heaven pure!" yelled another one, supporting the
others.

I roll my eyes, and sneer: "Of course you will. None of you
looks like to be able to get it up anymore, not even if you
swallow Pfizer's finest in packages of hundred." I taunt,
fully knowing that there is nothing to loose here anyway.
I smile at the shocked and angry faces of the old coons, then
turn to Peter. "Before I go, I would like to ask one question."

"If that's the price that you leave as fast as possible, ask."
came the retort of the old apostle, whose looked now more like
the saint of blowing up volcanoes, than some concierge.

"There was talk about Valkyries, Angels, Goddesses. That does not
fit with the Christian myth that this place is, care to
explain?"

Peter looked surprised, then answered calmly. "Every god that
was believed in, exists. Even those that were forgotten.
The power of their believers made them divinity for eternity.
But the current strongest administration rules the environment
where they all live together, to prepare to fight for the good,
and to keep the demons at bay."

I blink. "Interesting. I read a long time ago a theory that
gods were made by humans, that their own limited views and
beliefs are giving them shape and form, determining their
behavior and their powers. It seems to me that this is at
least some kind of truth."

"Yes, it is." confirmed Peter. "And this is also the reason
why religion cannot die. As long as people exist, some
will believe, and those will keep us alive. Only the
utterly and complete eradication of humankind could change
that." he added with a superior smirk.

I simply shrug. "That would be an option."

Before any of the old men could react, I walked away, towards
a dark hole in the ground, that led straightly downwards.

***

The welcome in hell was much more friendly. Perverts are
very welcomed there, especially due to their population of
ever hungry Succubi. And those are looking damn fine, as
there is really something for each and every taste.
From curvy women, like their empress Morrigan, to child
look alikes as her little spawn Lillith, to the most
exotic furries, catgirls, foxgirls, nagas, etc. for example.
The paradise for someone strong in the Hentai side of the
Force.
Why should I care about Heaven, if the perfect place for me
is Hell?

It was lot of fun to let my power run freely, and it weren't
for just one little problem, I surely wouldn't have left this
place at all.
But...I have simply overlooked a little problem.
No matter that all those tasty demon girls are more than
willing to have some fun, but they have families too.
Angry fathers that were not happy to bring their daughter into
hospital due to exhaustion, protective brothers that did not
want a human to defile their sisters, jealous mothers that
were disappointed that their daughters got some good time,
while they themselves did not.

And so, after what seemed only one week of pure bliss, I had
to made my way back upwards, leaving this wonderful, even
if I would normally prefer a much cooler environment.
Ok, I admit, I had to run back upwards, with hordes of angry
demons at my heels that wanted to ensure that I loose all
appendages that spread the Power of Hentai, but hey, it sure
was worth it.
Still I have to thank all my new fan-succubi, as they delayed
those avengers long enough, so that I was able to escape.

There is no direct way from hell to earth, so had to go back
to Heaven's Gate first. Where no Saints where staying at all,
as Angels and Valkyries were busy clobbering them into
submission.
While I sure had no prob with that, even I winced as one
of those old men had to take a bastard sword from a Valkyrie
like a man, meaning up the ass. Ouch.
Well, maybe next time when I come here, the welcome will
be a little friendlier.
But until then, for the next 30, 40, or 50 years, I'll simply
have to sate my Hentai urges with the mortal populous of earth.

I stepped into the vortex that brought me back, to Earth, to
Life, and only a second later, I opened my eyes and found
myself in the ICU.

So, hide your daughters, arm your sisters,....I AM BACK!!!!!

######